


Comfort for Thieves

by Roshwen



Series: I'll hold your fear (and you as well) [3]
Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Because Ezekiel is a drama queen who always heads straight for the worst case scenario, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag: s03e08 And the Eternal Question, Gen, It's a good thing Jake is there, M/M, The boys crying over Cassandra part III, conversations in the dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 20:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12779298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roshwen/pseuds/Roshwen
Summary: At the end of the day, Jake could kick himself for not noticing sooner how Ezekiel was falling apart.





	Comfort for Thieves

**Author's Note:**

> So, apparently this is a series now. If you haven't read the first two parts, this might not make much sense to you. Or maybe it will, because it's basically Ezekiel crashing down after Cassandra's surgery and Jake being there to catch him. This is fanfiction, not complicated literature after all.

At the end of the day, Jake could kick himself for not noticing sooner how Ezekiel was falling apart.

To be fair, he had spent most of the day at the Vida de la Luz retreat, wrapping up the vampire case. Jenkins had taken care of the bad apples in magnificent fashion, but there were still things that needed to be done to prevent something similar from happening in the future.

Jake had also spent a very weird half hour trying to comfort a crying lady vampire. _Not_ something he had ever thought he would do, but then again, doing things you never thought you would have to do was practically a Librarian’s job description. After assuring Estrella for the third time that yes, Cassandra was going to be alright and as soon as she had made a full recovery she would definitely come by and visit, he beat a hasty retreat back to the Annex. If he’d never meet another vampire ever again, vegetarian or not, it would be too soon.

Jake _really_ did not like vampires. They made him feel like someone was walking over his grave. _Eerie._

Back at the Annex, everything seemed to be running rather smoothly, given the circumstances. It was a little quieter than usual without Cassandra bouncing around the place, but Eve was working on her defense plans, Flynn was off in the Library being Flynn somewhere and Jenkins was putting away the resources they used in planning the vampire case. Even Ezekiel looked alright, typing away on his laptop with a concentrated expression on his face, the way he always looked when he was doing something of questionable legality.

And honestly, that should’ve been the first clue. Because Jake doesn’t remember much of last night besides the overwhelming fear followed by even more crushing relief, but there one thing Ezekiel said when Jake was busy beating himself up in the hospital parking lot that is still niggling at the back of his skull.

_I’ve had a lifetime of pretending to be okay when I’m really, really not._

Jake hadn’t asked at the time. He just accepted the comfort that was offered, let himself fall apart in Ezekiel’s arms without question. And Ezekiel had caught him in steady arms and with a smile still lingering in his voice like it was just another Tuesday.

He had done the same for Cassandra this morning. Jake had been right behind Ezekiel in entering the room, right in time to see her bursting into tears. Ezekiel had been at her side in an instant, Cassandra’s tiny frame almost disappearing into his arms as he held her, barking at Jake to _get out._ It had been a long time before he opened the door again, but even then he looked as cheerful as ever.

Well, maybe not _as_ cheerful. There had been a softness to his face, a sadness even when the two of them stumbled through the Back Door that Jenkins had set up to Cassandra’s room, but it had disappeared within seconds and with all the wrapping up of yesterday’s case, Jake hadn’t given it any more thought.

More proof that for someone with an IQ of 190, Jake can be a fucking idiot sometimes.

Because now the case is wrapped up and Jake is sitting at his desk, pretending to read but in reality stealing looks at Ezekiel. He is still working, or at least still typing, but now that Jake is looking closer, he can see hairline fractures starting to form. To anyone who doesn’t know Ezekiel, it would be invisible. But Jake does know him, has worked with the guy for three years now and he knows what to look for.

A certain tension around his eyes. A sudden hand movement to hide the trembling fingers. A grin that comes out just a tad too bright when he catches Jake looking and asks if he’s accidentally grown a second head.

_Pretending to be okay._

_Really, really not._

This drags on for the rest of the afternoon, because Jake might be an idiot who doesn’t catch his friends’ suffering until it’s far too late, he is not such an idiot that he is going to ask Ezekiel Jones if he’s okay. Not to his face. Not when Eve and Jenkins are still in the Annex as well.

Finally though, Eve gets up to drag Flynn out of the Library and Jenkins announces that he is going to lock up the magical creatures wing for the night. Five minutes later, the Annex is empty and at last Jake can get up and make his way over to Ezekiel’s desk. ‘Hey,’ he murmurs, dropping his hands to Ezekiel’s shoulders and pretending not to notice how the muscles under the blue shirt are rigid with tension, ‘what are you still working on?’

 ‘Just pronouncing you and Cass man and wife,’ Ezekiel says, angling his laptop so Jake can see the very real, very official looking documents on the screen. ‘You remember how I told you last night?’

Jake does remember. He also remembers he needs to sit down and talk to Cassandra about this because no matter how adorable you are, you do _not_ spring marriage on a guy like that.

‘I know it’s not really an emergency anymore,’ Ezekiel continues and now his voice is showing signs of splintering as well. It sounds flat and tired, all the laughter drained and gone. ‘But I thought I’d do it anyway. You know, just in case something… just in case.’

Just in case of infection.

In case of a stroke, brought on by the surgeons digging around in her head.

Of _whoops we thought it was gone but now it’s back._

_And it’s malignant this time._

‘Don’t worry,’ Ezekiel says, apparently taking Jake’s valiant efforts to tell his heart rate to _calm down for fuck’s sake, she’s going to be fine_ for surprise wedding jitters. ‘I can divorce you just as easily. So if you want to get hitched for real, just let me know.’

 ‘Haven’t got any plans yet,’ Jake says softly, looking down at Ezekiel who is still staring at the screen. ‘And thank you.’

Ezekiel smiles, but it’s wan and thin and stretched, a horrible parody of his normal cheeky grins and Jake decides that that is enough. ‘Jones,’ he says, fingers now digging into Ezekiel’s shoulders because it seems to be the only way to hold him together at the moment, ‘come on. It’s time to go home.’

The hairline fractures grow and split into full grown cracks as Ezekiel shakes his head. ‘No can do, cowboy. Told the princess we’d be here if she needed us.’

‘You mean the queen,’ Jake says, a warm smile in his voice as he remembers the way Ezekiel managed to transform Cassandra with a few chosen words from something small and vulnerable to something that actually looked like her usual confident and happy self again. ‘And last time I checked, which was an hour ago, she was still fast asleep. As she should be. If she wakes up, Jenkins will be here and she’s got a big red button next to her bed to summon a complete regiment of nurses and doctors if something goes wrong. She doesn’t need you to stay here for her. She needs you to get some sleep.’

Ezekiel doesn’t reply, but he also shows no sign of getting up. So Jake moves from standing behind Ezekiel to crouching down next to him, gripping his arm with one hand and resting the other hand on his thigh.

If Ezekiel is surprised by this sudden closeness, he doesn’t show it. He just stares at Jake with a dull, defiant look in his eyes and Jake sighs as he says: ‘Okay, if you don’t want to go home we’ll take the crash pad upstairs. And I’m coming with you to make sure you stay there and don’t sneak off because you decided you needed to check on her in the middle of the night.’

‘Is this your way of telling me you’re going to sleep with me?’ Ezekiel mutters, the joke falling horribly flat with the tone of his voice. ‘Because if so, your way of seducing could use some work.’

‘Come on,’ Jake says, tugging at Ezekiel’s arm until he gives in and stands up. ‘And don’t worry. I always get my date some coffee in the morning.’

~~~  
  
The emergency bedroom upstairs in the Annex is nothing much. It’s cramped and dark, sparsely furnished with a cheap double from IKEA and a rickety chair from god knows where. The sheets are musty and there’s a chill in the air that’s just on the wrong side of cold, but at the moment none of that matters to Jake as he strips down to his boxers and gets into bed, waiting patiently for Ezekiel to join him.

When he does, he surprises Jake by not keeping safely to his own side of the bed but instead shifting towards the middle, until his chest is right up against Jake’s arm. Jake suddenly has a nose full of feathery soft black hair as Ezekiel drops his head to Jake’s shoulder and shifts again until Jake gets the hint, turns to his side and pulls Ezekiel close against him. It’s as if the darkness and lack of clothing have caused some kind of outer defense system to fall away because where Ezekiel was stubbornly pretending to be fine before, now he is crawling into Jake’s arms like a little kid looking for someone to hold him tight until the monsters go away.

And tight Jake holds him, tucking Ezekiel’s face into the crook of his neck and cradling the back of his head with one hand, fingers carding through his hair in what Jake hopes is a soothing manner. The other arm is wrapped around Ezekiel’s waist, hand splayed against his shoulder blades as the tension slowly, slowly seeps away. They lie like that for a long time, quietly breathing together in the darkness and Ezekiel relaxing against Jake more and more until they’re both at the edge of sleep.

The darkness is dragging heavily at Jake’s eyes when he feels Ezekiel shift a little and a muffled, quiet voice says: ‘I didn’t think she’d make it.’

Apparently being almost asleep is the last thing Ezekiel Jones needs to really open up. When Jake doesn’t reply, stunned as he is, he continues: ‘I was sure… last night at the hospital I just kept waiting for the doctor to come back and tell us, you know, they were terribly sorry but there was nothing they could do and she’s. She’s _gone_. I didn’t think…’

By now hot tears are starting to fall on to Jake’s shoulder and if Jake held Ezekiel any tighter, he would have cracked a rib. Because the only difference between him and Ezekiel last night seems to be that Jake spent the entire time in some kind of purgatory between hope and fear, whereas Ezekiel seems to have headed straight for the doomsday scenario without looking back. And even the _thought_ of that doomsday scenario causes Jake to scrunch his eyes shut and count his breaths very carefully for a long moment.

Then Ezekiel says in the smallest voice Jake has ever heard: ‘I didn’t think I could be that scared of losing anyone,’ and Jake’s heart shatters into pieces all over again.

‘When I said,’ he starts, his voice sounding and feeling like gravel coming up from his throat, ‘when I asked you how you were okay.’

It’s not a question. It’s barely even a sentence, but Ezekiel gets what Jake isn’t saying and huffs a laugh that sounds more like a sob. ‘Not even remotely.’

Yeah, Jake got that by now. He is still holding Ezekiel as close as he can without doing any physical damage and Ezekiel is clinging to him just as tight, fingers digging into Jake’s back and his face pressed so close into Jake’s shoulder that it’s a small miracle he is still able to breathe. He is still crying, if the growing wetness in the pillows and sheets is anything to go by, the tears silently falling down the way they do when you’re too tired to stop them but too tired to start crying out loud.

‘Not even during the time loop?’ Jake asks quietly after a long minute, praying Ezekiel won’t blow him off with an _I don’t remember_ this time.

Ezekiel stills for a moment, then huffs again. ‘That was _different._ That was a _case_ and at least I could _do_ something.’

That’s fair enough. After all, none of them became Librarians because they were good at sitting on their asses and letting others solve a crisis. Which comes in handy when the world’s imploding, but not when one of your best friends is possibly/probably dying a few feet away from you, behind closed doors while there is nothing you can do but wait.

‘Come here,’ Jake mutters, even though there is no possible way Ezekiel can _come here_ any more without crawling physically inside Jake’s ribcage. The tears have slowed down a little by now and exhaustion is taking over, limbs growing heavy and breathing evening out as both their eyes fall shut and the darkness takes over.

Before they drift fully away, though, Jake shifts a little to press a kiss to Ezekiel’s temple and murmur: _‘I hold it true, whate'er befall/I feel it when I sorrow most/'Tis better to have loved and lost/Than never to have loved at all.’_

He doesn’t think Ezekiel heard him, but after a minute he feels Ezekiel’s lips brushing his cheek as he whispers: ‘Even if it hurts like a bitch?’

‘ _Especially_ if it hurts like a bitch,’ Jake whispers back and with that, he nuzzles another kiss to Ezekiel’s hair and finally falls asleep.


End file.
